How to Keep Relationships Exciting
Whether you are currently in a relationship or single, you will likely recognize the following if you’ve ever been in a relationship. And even if you are single, understanding this will help prepare you for your next relationship.
It has happened to the best of us. We get into a new relationship. We are excited, thinking we have found “The One”. Things are going great. And then one day, we wake up and realize that our life and relationship has become a little bit boring. Maybe routine.
We seem to have created routines. Maybe the sex life isn’t as active as it used to be. Maybe we’ve even put on a few pounds.
Certainly there are different versions of “routine”, but you get the idea right?
Sometimes people even mistakenly wonder if they are losing their spark, or falling out of love. You also may realize you still love this person, but you are just confused, thinking “Things use to be so exciting. And now, we just watch TV and eat dinner. What happened?”
How it happens
Now, let’s step back to the beginning of the relationship. If you are like most couples, that “New Love” stage is pretty exciting. You are discovering new things about each other. You are excited to better understand your new found soulmate. You want to know about their passions, their interests and their philosophies on life.
You are attracted to them, and desire the joy of physical connection, pleasure and passion.
You are also inwardly projecting your future together. Imagining your “happily ever after”.
Everything is new, and exciting and you are so high on love.. You feel indestructible and on top of the world.
And then, as time goes on, you better know the other person. You don’t need to hear again about the time your partner won a basketball game, or got drunk at prom.
In the beginning, there was so much undiscovered. And now, there is an inner mental file system labelled “All the things I know about my partner”. It has key memories they have shared. It includes what to expect when you make love. And there is also a slowly building special list of the things your partner does that irritates you.
And as you begin to feel more and more that you “know your partner”, you become less curious. And you begin to operate off of what you already know.
And as you do this, the level of excitement and the spark begins to lessen. And one day, you find yourself living in a routine where it’s rare that anything new and exciting is discovered or experienced.
But the routine becomes comfortable. So, at first it feels like stability and safety. Until the day it starts to feel restrictive. Until the day you start to wonder if something is wrong. Until the day some impulse inside you wants to find excitement again, and you struggle to figure out how to make it happen without upsetting the stability of the relationship.
The Key to Exciting Relationships is not intuitive.
What has frequently happened below the surface, is we have learned that the other person is a certain way. And they have learned we are a certain way. And we become acutely aware of trying to remain the person that our partner loves.
One common fear is that “if I change, he or she won’t love me anymore.” It’s not rational. And it may not even be conscious. But, there comes an unspoken agreement that “we need to keep things and ourselves the same so we are stable. I may lose you if I change.”
And this is where the trouble begins.
The nature of life is to grow, evolve and change. When we conspire against the natural order and try to keep things too consistent then we stagnate. And we also become afraid of anything that is unexpected or too far from our comfort zone. In this way of experiencing things, change brings fear. And in order to avoid fear, we cling to routine and the expected. Because change is threatening to “safe and comfortable”.
But when we do this, our Soul suffers. In order to not grow and change, we must pretend that our desires, passions, hopes, dreams and basic unmet needs don’t exist. We have to ignore our disappointments, not feel our inner sadness, or anger or frustration. We must disconnect from our own Inner Truth in order to keep things “safe”.
This is a problem for two reasons.
For one, you suffer. Life loses its passion. You sacrifice excitement for safety.
And two, your partner also suffers. Life loses its passion for your partner as well and he or she sacrifices excitement for safety.
So what is the path out? What’s the path back to excitement in a relationship that also honors the needs of both people to create some stability in the relationship?
Let’s go back to the early stage of relationship for a clue. You were both excited to discover new things about the other, and to learn everything you can about the other. You were both excited to experience the “newness” of what is undiscovered and possible in the new relationship.
What would happen if you were excited to discover new things about your partner again? What would happen if within the familiarity, trust and stability of a loving relationship, you both also focused on growing, evolving and experiencing new things?
What if you set aside that fear of change, and decided to follow your heart’s desire towards a new adventure, new career, new hobby, or new course of study?
What if you risked stability and shared your inner fears instead of ignoring them? What if you uprooted the limiting beliefs that had kept you feeling small, afraid and insecure and replaced them with confidence, radiant self-love and passion for life?
And what if your partner also did the same?
As you allow yourself to grow, to evolve and to connect with your Soul’s inner truth, life reawakens. Vibrancy and excitement returns to you. Clarity dawns and you find yourself enthusiastically in the flow of life again. Life IS Change, Growth and Transformation.
And as your partner also chooses to grow and evolve, the same happens for him or her.
And here’s the bonus: As your partner is growing and evolving, he or she is discovering new passions, new potentials, new experiences, new levels of success and new capacities for love, excitement, joy and aliveness. This means that as your partner grows and changes, you get to re-discover new things about your partner on an ongoing basis. Instead of thinking “I know everything about my partner”, you welcome discovering new things about them as they share their inner world and new adventures with you. Just like in the earlier, exciting stage of relationship you get to discover new things about your partner on a regular basis again.
And of course, your partner gets the excitement of rediscovering the new versions of you that evolve over time as well.
You get to support each other through the process. You get to share in the excitement of new levels of joy, freedom and success that you partner achieves. You get to watch the person you love blossom and flower into an even happier, more vibrant person.
The experience of life and relationship becomes exciting again. If you are both evolving and enjoying life, you infuse your relationship with the excitement and aliveness that it brings.
Here is the nutshell overview: By committing to a process of growth, healing and self discovery, you will bring passion back into your life. If you commit to this with your partner, you both reawaken passion for life. And that passion for life is brought into the relationship, which feeds the relationship. Plus you also get the excitement of experience both life and your partner as something which is evolving and transforming, rather than “static”. All within the safety and trust of a loving relationship.
So the unintuitive way to keep your relationship exciting, is actually for both partners to give attention to their own individual growth. To keep allowing yourself to imagine even higher potentials of success, love, adventure, purpose, abundance and joy, and then using the methods and healing practices that will help you keep evolving.
As you do this, you get your own exciting individual journey, and you also get to share the excitement of watching your partner grow as you offer support.
Of course, as the passion returns, you will find some common experiences to share together also. It will feed the relationship one way or another.
So, how do you go about the process of growth, healing and self discovery?
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New Moon in Libra | Vedic Astrology Forecast for November 11th, 2015
In the last half of the lunar cycle as the Moon moves from Full back to New Moon, the emotional energy decreases. There is a natural feeling of “lose” that comes about in that second half. As the Moon has been getting closer to the New Moon, I know I have noticed a decrease in energy. Have you been feeling it? Wanting to rest, withdraw a little? Or maybe even just a little tired or fatigued and don’t know why?
The Sun is still at its weakest point in Libra, where the awkwardness of the Individual self trying to explore connection to other through relationship can itself feel taxing. And now the emotional energy, shown by the Moon, is decreasing. On November 11th, the exact New Moon will occur in Sidereal Libra around 12:45pm EST. And about 10 hours later, the Moon will make its way into Scorpio, where is experiences its weakest energy. So, within the New Moon Window, both the Sun and Moon will be at their weakest points in the Zodiac.
Maintaining strength of the Individual Self (via the Sun) and remaining emotionally stable (via the Moon) will both be challenged at the same time. So the seed point of this New Moon really sets off the inner dynamics of how our relationships with others set the stage for our own individual growth and transformation. And well, quite frankly, that usually doesn’t feel so good.
The Sun doesn’t function well in Libra, because the Sun represents our Individual Soul’s Power and Libra is the domain of “other”. The Sun is challenged to retain a powerful individual nature when immersed in the energy of “Other”. And the Moon doesn’t function well in Scorpio, because the Moon is our Mind and Emotional nature and Scorpio represents the emotional ups and downs that occur as life brings us challenges and changes. In Scorpio, we are asked to face our insecurities and fears.
When we have the strength and tools to face our fears and insecurities, then we have the opportunity to heal and transform. When we are unable to use that opportunity in a positive way, then our emotions just feel like a roller coaster ride of discomfort and turmoil.
And, as is always the case, the progression of the Zodiac shows beautifully how we evolve through relationship. In Libra, we meet other and begin to form a deeper connection of mutual respect, love and intimacy. As we connect more deeply in this way, our vulnerability begins to open and our latent fears and insecurities begin to come to the surface. “If this other person knew that I had… this belief? This experience? This Desire? This from my past?…. would they still love me?” And even “Can I trust this person? Will they harm me? Will they break my heart?” And of course “S/he isn’t treating me fairly. My needs aren’t being met. S/he is doing _____ to me, and I don’t like it!”
Relationship with other is one of the greatest unknowns, because what we are “not” is the least understood. “Other” is the furthest away from “Self”, and thus the greatest of unknowns. The Unknowns of relationship bring out our fears and insecurities. Most arguments, disagreements, resentments and feelings of disrespect arise because we are unwilling to be honest and real about the insecurities and fears that we need to face in order to evolve.
With low emotional energy from the New Moon itself and this energy being activated as part of the New Moon Window, this next lunar cycle will be highlighting this vulnerability of fears and insecurities that arise in relationship to other. The invitation is to understand the energetic place we are in collectively (low energy and feeling vulnerable), and allow yourself space to take care of yourself. Stay out of “harms way” the best you can, and also have the correct insight to realize that any emotional challenges, fears, or insecurities that arise during this Lunar Cycle are an invitation to transform you lower emotional reactions.
Mercury has moved into Libra also, and Venus and Mars moved into Virgo. Mercury with the Sun in Libra will bring extra intelligence to speech and communication with others, should these insecurities arise. And Mercury is in exchange with Venus, which will strengthen their understanding of each other, bringing greater speech and communication in connection with compromise, happiness and diplomacy (via Venus).
At the same time, Venus is in its weakest position in Virgo. So be mindful of not becoming overly picky and detail oriented about how you define your happiness. For instance, if someone offers you a pot of gold, don’t complain that the rainbow isn’t big enough. 😉
Additionally, Mars with Rahu in Virgo can amplify feelings of agitation, irritability and anger. So, be cautious about being to reactive and hotheaded when defending yourself.
In the wisdom of these types of cycles, the Vedic traditions acknowledge that when energy is low and not conducive for being productive in outer context, that it is actually wise to “Turn within”. Don’t be afraid to give yourself some retreat to reflect upon the energies, the thoughts and the experiences that are arising in your life and in your thoughts and feelings. If turmoil arises in your relationships, understand that most people will be increasingly sensitive right now and try to withdraw and reflect, rather than allowing conflict to escalate. Withdraw and get some perspective, and re-engage when you are clearer, rested and refreshed.
The collective energy may have some heaviness to it for a while here. Try to stay calm and focused. Stay aware of the feelings and impulses that are arising. Observe how it is affecting others around you. And try to feed your need for deeper peace, joy and happiness through inner practices such as meditation and affirmations so that you continue to cultivate the qualities within yourself that are needed to peacefully navigate these potential turbulent waters. And know when “retreat” is the best medicine in the moment, and honor the impulse to do so if it arises.
This is also a wonderful time to use tools such as getting a Vedic Astrology Reading to gain deeper insight to the sources of your fears, insecurities and the way you engage relationship and happiness. It’s also a great time to have Ecstatic Union® Energy Healing Sessions to help dive deep into the energetic causes of your insecurities and receive assistance in healing and transforming them.
If you maintain the correct understanding and the right perspective through this time, it is an wonderful opportunity to grow and evolve.
How has this energy been affecting you?
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The above is a general Vedic Astrology Forecast. It discusses the shifts that are happening at the level of the Collective experience, as well as how you can use that Collective energy for your own growth and evolution.
For a detailed reading of how the Planetary cycles will impact you personally, you should schedule a private Vedic Astrology Reading.
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